


7. Kiwi

by brokxnharry



Series: Teen Wolf Challenge (Harry Styles Album) [7]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Adoption, Angst with a Happy Ending, Breaking Up & Making Up, Cora Hale & Stiles Stilinski Friendship, Derek Hale is Bad at Feelings, Future Fic, Heart Attacks, Human Derek Hale, Kid Fic, M/M, Scott is a Good Friend, harry styles songfic, paramedic scott
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-08
Updated: 2018-07-08
Packaged: 2019-06-07 05:38:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15212375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brokxnharry/pseuds/brokxnharry
Summary: Stiles gets a call that Derek had a heart-attack. And when he finds a little child under his name, he almost has one too.





	7. Kiwi

" 911, what's your emergency?" Stiles called into his headphones, staring up at the clock by the wall, calculating how much time he had left for his shift to end.

" Daddy fell down the stairs. He doesn't want to wake up. I don't want to play this game anymore." Stiles straightened in his seat, leaning closer to his desk, trying to regain control over the situation.

" Okay, sweetheart, that's okay. What's your name? I'm Stiles."

" Nina."

" What a lovely name you have, Nina, I think I might be jealous. Okay, can you tell me where you are, Nina?"

" Home. In the living room."

" And your dad is with you? How did he fall?"

" He didn't make it all the way down the stairs. He was carrying me to the kitchen to have dinner but we fell."

" Shit," Stiles whispered under his breath, making sure the little girl wouldn't be able to hear it, " Are you hurt, Nina? Does anything hurt?"

" No, daddy took the fall on his back."

" Okay, okay, can you do me a favor? Get closer to him, as close as you can get without moving him, and check if he's breathing okay? We gotta make sure daddy has the air he needs, darling."

Stiles heard her confirmation before starting to move around his desk, figuring out what his next step needed to be, who he needed to call to get there and offer help.

" He's breathing but it sounds funny. I think his neck isn't supposed to be twisted like that."

" Alright, honey, don't worry, just stay put, and I'm sending an ambulance your way to help daddy out and get him all better, alright? I'll stay on the phone with you until they get there, is that okay?"

" Okay. Thank you."

" Sure thing, honey. You're a brave little one, aren't you? How old are you?" Stiles waited patiently as she counted to herself before announcing that she was three years old.

" Three years old? Wow, you're so old."

" No, I'm not! I still have plenty more fingers to spare, so I'm still small." Stiles chuckled, picturing all the ways this little girl could look.  

" Smart too, huh? How is daddy doing? Is he still breathing funny?"

" Aha, but he's not loud anymore."

" What is your dad's name, Nina? Can you call for him? See if he'll wake up?"

" Derek. Derek Hale. Daddy, wake up, please, daddy, come on."

Her pleas faded into laughter, wheezed breathing and hands against chests vibrating with joy. They morphed into morning kisses and whispered words against bare skins, into _I love you_ 's and _be careful_ and _I'm gonna pay for this_ and _I can't believe you're mine._ And the further away her voice became, the louder it got inside Stiles' head, until it was all yells and screams and _get out, I never want to see you again_ and _I'm sorry, I think we need to take a break_. And then silence. Because they never came back from that break. There was nothing left to go back to. It was the last thing they'd heard between them, long after they became unwilling to hear anything at all.

" Mr. Stiles? Are you still there? He won't listen to me." The sound of her sniffles brought him back, as he cleared his throat, grabbing his cellphone and texting Scott, before he went completely ballistic. This could still be a coincidence, right? Two people could have the same name without being the same person. Yeah, he was probably freaking out over nothing.

" Right here, darling. And just Stiles is fine, okay? I'm not **_that_** much older than you." He was though. He was old enough to have a kid of his own. In fact, they'd been trying to join the fostering and adoption program when they finally gave up on each other and on pretty much everything else.

" I think someone is at the door. I - dad told me not to open the door to anyone when he's not there."

" No, it's fine, honey, he won't be mad at you. These are the paramedics that are going to help him feel better. It's okay, you're doing great."

Stiles heard some shuffling on the other end, his legs bouncing with nerves, before a much more mature voice replaced Nina's.

" This is Johns and Lang at the scene, is that you, Stilinski?"

" Oh Kyle, how is it looking over there?"

" Uh, we don't know yet. The dad is sprawled across the stairs and we need to stabilize and move him to check him over. Do you know the Hales?"

He probably did, more than most people gave him credit for. Even Derek. But Kyle didn't need to know that.

" Nah, not really, just felt for the little girl. Where will you be taking them?"

" St. Luke's is the nearest one. We're five minutes out. Will talk to you later, man."

Stiles hung up and immediately called Scott, not bothering with their exchanged texts and his delayed responses that did nothing to ease his haphazard mind. Because Scott knew Stiles so well, he picked up almost immediately, calm and collected and everything Stiles never was.

" Do you think it's him?" Stiles said, as soon as he heard the click of Scott picking up.

" Well, hello to you too, Stiles, I'm having a lovely day –"

" Scott," Stiles whined, all child-like and irritated. It made Scott think of the high school versions of themselves.

" So I made a few phone calls, since we were getting called to that scene too, but we had another patient that we were driving to the hospital so we couldn't be there on time. Anyway, Lang kind of confirmed it. It looks like it's really him."

" But **_how_**?"

" What do you mean how? New York is a big city, and chances of us meeting him here are as good as any other place. Besides, we didn't even meet him, we just got in contact with his daughter than we didn't even know existed. No big deal."

" You do realize we're going to have to go down there, don't you?"

" **_Why_**?" Scott groaned, and Stiles felt like sticking his tongue out in an _aha who's acting like a child now_. And then he realized that it would probably still be him.

" Because he fell down the stairs and was unconscious? Also, his 3 year old daughter is all by herself, Scott. I can't just – leave him like that." And yeah, maybe he did leave him, and maybe Derek left him too, but that didn't mean that he ever stopped caring or missing or loving.

" Fine." Scott sighed, no fight left in his voice, " When do you finish your shift?"

" I had an hour left but I'm heading out and will do an extra couple of hours tomorrow. Are you going to meet me at the hospital?"

" No, we're already pulling up in front of your building."

" What? But how did you – " Stiles stopped by the front gate, where Scott was jumping out of the passenger seat of his ambulance, a cocky grin across his features.

" I've known you for what? Twenty years now? And you're still **_so_** predictable, Stiles. Come on, get in." Stiles laughed, pulled his friend into a quick – but still incredibly desperate – embrace before getting into the back of the car, as JJ; Scott's partner started driving to the hospital.

They got there just as Johns and Lang headed out to get another patient. Scott started asking the nurses for updates and because everybody loved Scott, they were more than willing to help out. They pointed him towards the kids area where they had Nina and Stiles swore he fell in love with her, right then and there. She was taking a younger boy's hand, wrapping it around a toy that he couldn't find a grip on. She had the curliest, fluffiest, hair he'd ever seen, a black oversized shirt – that was probably Derek's but Stiles tried not to dwell on that – and skin as dark as the night. She didn't necessarily look like Derek but she looked like a person he'd associate himself with and be around, people who looked like no one else, you'd see them once and they'd stay with you for the rest of your life, people you'd have trouble moving past, which was the embodiment of Derek. To Stiles, at least, that was.

" Why am I so nervous?"

" That better be a rhetorical question or else we could be here all night." Scott chuckled, urging Stiles forward. He groaned, tripping around his legs as he approached Nina, who turned to face him almost immediately, curious and excitable.

" Hi, Nina, right?"

" I know you." She pointed a finger towards him, halting him in his squatting.

" What?"

" I think you're in daddy's old pictures. He tells me stories about his old home every night. Do you remember him? Do you know who I am?"

" I – I don't – I can't believe this," Stiles rubbed his trembling hands across his face, trying to maintain – or rather regain – his composure. He kind of felt like he was spiraling, losing his mind. 

" Nina, my name is Scott, I'm a paramedic and I knew your father a few years ago. We went to school together actually."

" Really?" The little girl just – lit up, allowing Scott to sit her down, grabbing one of Stiles' arms and giving him a tug, bringing him to the seat beside him, while he sat as a barrier between everything Stiles could have – should have – had and all he was left with.

" Dude, say something. You didn't stop breathing, did you?" Scott shoved his elbow into Stiles' side after he ran out of all child-appropriate small talk ideas. Stiles groaned, blinked Derek and - and _them_ out of his sight, before turning towards Nina, with something like a smile.

" I'm fine. I'm Stiles, kiddo, we talked on the phone, remember?" She immediately nodded, inching closer, like she was seeking something out. Something that Stiles hadn't had for years.

" Do you know what happened to my dad? Can I see him now?"

" I'm afraid we don't know much yet, Nina. Is there anyone we can call for you? Your mother, or, aunt, or – anyone." Stiles then remembered that Derek never had that. He wondered if he found someone now, if that had changed, and Derek wasn't as alone anymore. Stiles didn't know how happy he would be about that, but he would be.. something.

" It's just me and my dad. Sometimes auntie Cora comes to visit with her friend but that's all. I don't have a grandma or anything but daddy tells me about her sometimes." Stiles felt something inside him dimming, as he took in this lonely, little, kid and tried not to think of her growing into another Derek.

" Okay, kiddo, that's okay. How about this? I'll leave Scott here with you, while I go check up on your dad. Is that okay?"

" Why can't I come with you? I promise I won't make any noise or anything." Her eyes filled with tears, lips trembling, and Stiles swore it was something straight out of a cartoon. He felt all squishy and mushy inside.

" I know you won't, but I don't think they allow little people where I'm going, and I need to be extra quick to come back to you with the news, alright? I'll be back in no time." She sighed, sulking a bit, as she sat herself back down, next to Scott, who barely spared his friend an encouraging nod, before he went back to doing everything he could to distract this little girl from the looming sense of doom. Stiles didn't know what he ever did to deserve having someone like Scott in his life.

Stiles went to the nurses' desk, looking for a familiar face that would be willing to help out. He spent a lot of time in this hospital; between his own training and Scott's work, he was an expert. It wasn't Beacon Hills but it was all he had now and he made it work.

" Oh Stiles, are you looking for something?" Olivia; the 50 year old nurse that reminded him so much of Melissa said, with a pat to his back and a smile that looked so much like things he'd left back home.

" Vi, just who I was looking for." She rolled her eyes, all knowing and tolerant.

" Yeah, okay. What do you want this time?"

" So there's a patient that came in like an hour ago, his name is Derek Hale. He had a little girl with him. Do you have any updates for me?"

" Let me check for you. Is there any specific reason why we're interested in this case?" She moved around the desk, immediately going onto her computer, unaware of Stiles' struggle to formulate a response that wouldn't sound desperate or just plain pathetic.

" He's just an old friend from back home. I also happened to get the call from his daughter, so."

" Understood." She didn't push it. He knew she wouldn't. " Okay, here we go. So, they're saying it's a minor heart attack, and they're working on stabilizing him in the ICU now. The age and how healthy he seems to be, is throwing them off a bit, so they're looking more into it. They're contacting child services to see if there are any relatives they can contact for the kid. In fact, they just got the file at the second floor, do you want to walk with me and check it out?"

It was.. a lot. Stiles could feel things around him spiraling out of control, tilting and collapsing and he hadn't felt like this in a long, long time. He wished he still had his father's arms to run back into and complain about his heart being ripped out of his chest, again, and then run right back to the person who'd broken it. Broken him. But that wasn't fair, because Stiles had done his fair share of hurting as well. It's broken them both when it'd ended. It had almost ended them along with it.

Olivia didn't wait for him, as she started heading towards the back stairs. Stiles blindly followed, not knowing what else to do, with himself or with any of it.

They got there in a blur, everything around Stiles fading in and out of focus. But mostly out. Olivia took the file from a nurse that Stiles couldn't quite place, sliding her glasses over her nose, and humming in understanding.

" We have his medical records here. He seemed to be avoiding all hospitals until a few years ago for some reason. He came in for mostly minor things, nothing too serious. A few times for his daughter, one time for a sister? But that's it." Olivia carried on, leaving one file and grabbing another.

" This is the little girl's file, it says she was adopted three years ago, she was only 6 months old and no one claimed her since. It was all done smoothly and quietly, and the father chose to keep his information confidential. There's another name here, of a partner it seems like. Although, Derek is the sole guardian. She's under his name, not the other man's."

It stung a little, to think of Derek entrusting another man with his daughter, having his name behind is, but – whatever. Stiles inched closer, standing beside Olivia to have a better look at the file.

" Wait, let me see. Maybe there's a contact number or something." Stiles skimmed over the information he already knew; the name, date of birth, place of birth, all the way to second parent/guardian where he found – no. This couldn't be right. This, made no sense.

He looked away from the file, to Olivia, as if to assure himself he was still grounded to the reality around him and not floating away in some alternative universe where nothing happened but this; what was written in front of him on those papers.

" You have got to be kidding me. Is this some kind of joke?"

" What? What are you talking about?" Olivia looked back at the papers in hand, with furrowed eyebrows, trying to understand what could have gotten Stiles so riled up. But the name that was written, he hadn't been called in a long time, and he couldn't bring himself to explain all the bits of history tucked and folded around it.

" I.. I need this. Can I take a copy from this, Olivia? It's important."

" I mean, it's not legal, but I trust you, so maybe keep it on the down-low?"

" Sure, thank you. I owe you." He was shifting his weight from one foot to the other, until Olivia handed him the copies. He made a real effort to smile, or give her something similar, before he put the papers in the air in silent gratitude, and started walking – running – back to where Scott was supposed to be.

At first it was walking; heavy and unwilling and tired. Then his legs sped a little; determined and impatient. Then it was full-blown maniac running across the hospital hallways and Stiles didn't know if he was running from or towards but he just – ran.

" Woah, where are you heading to?" Scott was there, with halting hands on Stiles' shoulders. He waited for Stiles to catch his breath, to somewhat settle, before he gave him the papers in hand, and watched as the dumbfound look settled across his features.

" What? What is this?"

" Nina's adoption papers. Look whose name it is."

" This can't be right. Stiles, the date on these papers. You weren't together then."

" I know. Two weeks after the break-up. I just – I don't know what any of this **_means_**. Why would my name be there? How was I not informed about it? Is this even legal?"   

" I don't – I don't know." Stiles groaned, tugging at his hair and wishing it still felt like it had, every night in bed until he fell asleep.

" Okay, okay, wait. We should call your dad, to be absolutely sure these papers are legit."

" And if they are?" Stiles didn't mean to yell. He really, really didn't. But he was just so – wide open and vulnerable and he hated it.

" Then we wait for Derek to wake up so that we can ask him about it. I'm sure there's some sort of explanation for all of this."

" Wait? You suggest we **_wait_**? Have you met me, Scott? Patience isn't my strong-suit."

" There's nothing else we can do," Stiles groaned again, cutting Scott off, " Would you stop freaking out? You're stressing me out. Go call Cora or something, maybe she'll help. I'll call the sheriff."

Scott walked away, with a shake of his head, and his phone immediately in hand to dial the sheriff's number.

Stiles inhaled once, twice, before he took his phone out, and called Cora. They'd talked for a while, after the break-up. They'd promised to keep in touch, and still be friends anyway because it was never just about Derek between them. But the weekly check-ins became monthly, and the monthly became on special occasions only, and then it just – stopped. And Stiles couldn't remember why he hadn't questioned it, why he'd let her be so easily.

" Stiles? No way, is that really you?" The excitement in Cora's voice, eased something in Stiles, a smile curving around his lips, like he still owed her that.

" It's me. How have you been, Cora?"

" Good, good. Really good. Wait, if you're calling me out of the blue, then something must be wrong. What is it? What happened?"

" I can't just check up on an old friend without something being catastrophically wrong?" He sighed, willing his trembling hands to still, his voice to not give out on him.

" Yeah, right. Seriously, what's going on? Are you okay?"

" I'm fine. It's just – okay, I don't want you to freak out or anything because it's really not as bad as it sounds."

" Never a good start, carry on."

" Well, your brother is in the hospital for a minor heart attack."

" **_What_**?" Cora was instantaneously yells and groans and pants and Stiles hated how that was the one thing familiar about all of this.

" I said don't freak out!"

" That was before you associated my brother with a fucking heart attack, Stiles! Of course I'm freaking out!"

" It's really not that bad."

" You have got to be fucking – "

" Okay, okay, shut up. This isn't even why I was calling."

" What? You weren't going to tell me if my brother ended up in the hospital?"

" Well, I would have, but. That's not the point, right now." Stiles could almost hear the hurt in her voice, the disappointment, before she even spoke at all.

" Wow, okay. Good to know. So what's the point? What is possibly more important than – this?"

" Nina was with him. When he had the heart attack, I mean."

" Shit."

" Again, not the point. We got her file, to look for a relative to call or something. And guess whose name was written as the second parent/guardian?" Stiles was pacing, waiting for some sort of sign of confusion or horror or – something that wasn't so knowing and expectant.

" Oh man, Stiles. That's – this isn't how I wanted you to find out."

" So you knew? Did no one think to tell me before putting a **_child_** under my name? Do you realize how fucked up this is?"

" It – it wasn't like that."

" Then what was it like, Cora? Huh? How can you possibly explain this?" Stiles was fuming, physically palpitating with rage rather than anxiety for once. 

" I can't. It's not my place to."

" But it's your place to fucking keep this from me? To support this – this bullshit decision that's not only immoral, but illegal by the way?"

" I didn't support it. Not at first."

" You know what, I don't want to hear it, Cora. I can't believe you did this to me. I mean. I could have expected something like this from Derek, because – well, because he's Derek and he doesn't think most of the time outside of his own little bubble, but. You. I expected more from you. You were supposed to be my friend." All the fury was drained out of Stiles, leaving him with a pit in his stomach that bled out memories of a life he'd left behind a long time ago.

" Stiles,"

" Forget it. I'll text you the location of the hospital in case you want to come visit him. I'm going home."

He didn't.

He found Nina on the verge of a panic attack, crying about her aching chest and how much she couldn't breathe and how her father knew where her medication was but she didn't and there were children crying in the corner about their unwell mother and Stiles suspected it was what sent Nina into this state of sudden panic but he found himself putting his shaky hands around her own, breathing with her although he barely could breathe himself. Scott came back with a general anxiety pill to calm her down and eventually, she was eased back to sleep, with her head on Stiles' legs, like he'd ever have the heart to leave her anyway.

" Oh, Stiles, your friend woke up an hour ago. I think he was asking for his little girl."

Stiles felt an unreasonable flare of something at the thought of this girl being Derek's instead of theirs. But he pushed it down, willed himself to smile at Olivia, and nod like he knew exactly what to do – he absolutely did not. So he looked to Scott and he had a resigned smile, like he was as worn out as Stiles was.

" You can go. I'll stay with her."

" I'm not sure if I want to."

" I'm not even sure if I want you to." Stiles snorted at that, something unclenching in his chest, comforted by this ease with his friend.

" But if you want to know, for sure, I mean, the whole story, then he is the only way. It'll probably drive you crazy otherwise."  

" But – what if we just wait for what dad finds out?"

" He'll find paperwork, not intentions or justifications or even actual confirmation. Plus, he's kind of out on a date with my mum and I freaked out before I could tell him any of this. Maybe. Possibly."

" Scott!"

" I know, okay? It's just – I wanted them to have this for themselves. God knows they've been moving around it for long enough." Stiles rolled his eyes, but eased into Scott's side, wondering how he managed to turn this shit situation into something so endearing and sweet.

" Fine. I'll go. But this time, therapy is going to be on you." Stiles put a warning – nonthreatening – finger in the air, before kindly moving Nina's weight to rest against Scott instead.

It was fair to say that by the time he made it to Derek's room, he was well beyond the point of freaking out. He contemplated running out of the hospital and acting like none of this ever happened but – Nina deserved better. Hell, he deserved better from Derek too, but when has that ever mattered?

So he breathed in – felt like he was birthing this thing that was always standing between him and Derek – before he pushed the door to Derek's room and stood against it until it was closed, to buy himself some time.

" Wh – Stiles?"

" So the bad news are, you had a heart attack in your 30s. The good news are, it was minor, so if you're put on a healthy diet, and the right meds, you should be okay." Stiles turned away from the door, after running out of reasons not to. Derek's eyes were wide-open, despite how tired everything else about him was. He had more than one IV attached, a tube in his nose to help him breathe, pads on his chest to trace his heartbeat. He looked.. he looked like he was dying again, and Stiles hadn't seen him like that in so long, it kind of threw him a little. Okay, it threw him a lot.

" What are you doing here?" Derek finally asked, his voice still weak.

" I work in the Emergency Call Center now. I got the call from.. Nina."

" You did? Is she okay? Did she get hurt?" Derek strained to move in his bed, sit up straighter, but everything was achy and he felt a hundred years old.

" She's fine. You took the fall for her, strained your neck in the process. She's asleep now, with Scott."

" Scott is here too?"

" Yeah. Paramedic in the area."

" Wow, small world."

" And it keeps getting smaller," Stiles smiled, all condescending and bitter, " Nina was hyperventilating pretty bad earlier, did you take her to a doctor for that?" Derek's features fell, a fresh kind of pain making a home out of him.

" Yeah. Uh, she has anxiety, she takes meds for it usually, but sometimes, it just gets out of hand."

" That sucks. I wonder where she got that from."

" Who knows." Derek shrugged, looking away from the accusing in Stiles' eyes.

" Yeah, I can't do this." Stiles shook his head, feeling like he could scream them all into oblivion if he opened his mouth again.

" Do what?"

" You know what, I know we shouldn't upset you or whatever, but I can't fucking believe you’re going to lay here and lie straight to my fucking face." Stiles pushed the chair he was supposed to sit on away from Derek's bed – he wanted to break it but he barely refrained – feeling his chest filling up to the brim with rage and something so close to hate, it could have been love.

" What are you talking about?"

" Who is Nina's second parent? Are you the only guardian written in her adoption papers?"

" That's none of your business." Everything about Derek just.. shut down. Stiles could see it.

" How are you – how the fuck is it none of my business if she's ours, Derek?"

" She's **_my_** daughter. I finished those papers. I raised her. She knows me. **_We_** don't have anything anymore and whatever we had doesn't involve her." A chill crawled down Stiles' spine, while things were crawling up his throat. He couldn't **_breathe_**.  

" I know we don't have anything, you asshole. But if you wrote my name on those papers, if – if you involved me in this, then don't you think I have the right to know at least? Make my own decision if I want to be in her life or not?"

" You made that decision when you left, Stiles."

" I didn't – I didn't leave her. I didn't even leave **_you_**! Is that what you convinced yourself happened? To fit this fucked up narrative that you were right all along and you were always going to lose everyone in your life?"

" It always ends up happening, doesn't it?"

" No, it doesn't! What the hell, Derek? We decided to break up **_together_**. We were trying for this adoption thing for a while and it wasn't working out and we thought maybe it was a good thing, since our relationship was deteriorating fast. We didn't even end on bad terms. You're the one who decided to be an asshole about it and cut me out, and I respected that. But I didn't **_leave_** you. You can't ever say that about me." Stiles was putting his foot down for this one. Derek could tell, as he sighed, eased back into his pillow, and willed this whole situation to be over.

" What do you want, Stiles?" This was all buried, forgotten. Derek was never supposed to have to feel like this again. He thought it was over. It'd been over for so long.

" Do you have my name on the adoption papers?"

" Yes."

" **_Why_**?" Stiles whined, like he was close to tears. And he was, as he fell into the nearest chair, hating how boneless he felt, like he was coming apart.

" Like you said, we've been trying for adoption or fostering for a long time and every time we figured something out, another thing came up. But, two weeks after.. you know, after we called it quits, I got a call, for a 6 months old baby left in the dumpster of a hospital, in need of a temporary home. I figured, why not? So I got her, and before they could move her to another house, I was filing for full custody. But the files they had there were for a couple; you and me, together. And for me to change that, would have taken a long time, and she would have been taken away from me way before that. So I just carried on with the paperwork without changing our relationship status, and I got her."  

A smile graced Derek's lips, like he was remembering it all. Stiles hated his capability to smile over things that were breaking Stiles' heart so viciously.

" But.. you didn’t think to tell me?"

" I didn't think you wanted anything to do with me. And I wouldn't have wanted you to come back just for her."

" I wouldn't have. I – how do you not know this, Derek? I would have been there for **_her_** , as a parent. It didn't have to mean anything for us. This is so condescending, so.. mean. You knew how much I wanted a baby, and after we broke up, I stopped seeking it out, because everything was falling apart and I didn’t know if I could do it anymore. But, for you to keep her from me? To make that kind of decision for her and for me? How could you? How – I just. I can't believe this is happening. I can't believe you're capable of something so cruel."

Stiles waited. For this to all be some kind of joke. For an apology. For.. something. But Derek was incapable of verbalizing anything. He could barely think at all, with Stiles so suddenly present and hurt. He didn't mean for this to happen. He never thought he'd have to see Stiles again, let alone, crack him so wide open, he could see all the places where he was once held, empty and forgotten now.

" I'll tell the nurses to bring her to you. I'm taking Scott and we're going home." Stiles barely managed to get himself out of the chair, with a shake of his head – along with everything else.

" Stiles, I – "

" No need. You wanted me out of your life for good, right? That's exactly what you're going to get. I'm just – I'm done trying to prove to myself that I was right about you."

" I didn't **_know_** , Stiles."

" No, no, you knew. You knew me. You knew how much I would have wanted this and you still kept her from me. You – you're not an awful person, Derek, but what you did? Was so fucking awful." If Derek could still smell Stiles, he would have suffocated on his disappointment, choked on his hurt that was coated with resentment. But he couldn't. He couldn't even hear the stagger in his heartbeat as he walked away. Or the sob that broke through him right after.

Stiles found Scott, the words of _I have to go, I need to get out of here_ barely audible past the breaths he was desperately trying to manage and the cries he wasn't doing a great job at holding back. Scott immediately nodded, seeking someone out that would take care of Nina, but as soon as she started asking for her dad, Stiles just.. broke.

Ugly crying, snot everywhere, words mangled into cries, and cries mangled into horrid sounds of despair. Scott surrounded his friend, trying to envelope him, shield him from things that had already broken him. Olivia appeared and took the kid to see her father, looking at Stiles like she was seeing him for the first time. And like that? She was.

Stiles had his first full-blown panic attack in two years in the parking lot of the hospital. Scott almost wanted to hospitalize him, but the mere proximity was driving him mad, and Scott didn't want to even think about what being in the same place as Derek would do to him. So he sat with him on the sidewalk, doing seemingly useless breathing exercises, holding when he felt like he was allowed to, and giving space when the choking sounds got too bad. When Stiles was somewhat coherent, Scott put him in a taxi. He spent the night with him, and took the next day off, just in case he was needed.

And of course he was.

Because when Stiles woke up, with bloodshot eyes and a pounding headache, Scott was there with painkillers and a breakfast enough for him to eat all of his emotions with it. Then, Stiles started telling him what happened, sparing no details, unable to formulate any tears or emotions to back his words up. Then, they both called John and Melissa to ask about their date together. They sounded like teenagers falling in love for the first time, and if Stiles was feeling like himself, he would have had so much fun with it.

Stiles and Scott spent two days, in Stiles' apartment, ordering take-out and playing video games and jamming out to angry-sounding music. Then, they were both thrown back into the crowded life of New York, having to make up for the time they both took off. Scott texted Stiles almost hourly for two weeks after, which was around the time he finally managed to tell his father about what had happened with Derek, making him promise to never even say his name out loud again.

Three weeks after that night, Scott was leaving the hospital after helping a patient that got shot in the abdomen, when he heard a little voice calling his name. He barely managed to turn before he was circled by tiny arms, with a head on his knees. He looked down, and Nina was there, excitable and innocent and so unaware. He didn't even have the time to restrain his smile before it formed, as he patted her head lovingly.

" Hey, lovely, how are you? What brings you here?"

" I had my weekly check-up with my doctor, and we had to find a new anxiety medication for this one, because she's been having a bit of trouble lately, haven't you?" Derek poked her nose lightly, earning himself a grin that he probably didn't deserve.

" Yeah. But the doctor said this will help me feel all better and stop this shake in my hands, see?" She put her hands in front of Scott's face, and there was a sickening, familiar, tremble to them. Scott took her hand to his lips, planted a tender kiss, before nodding in understanding.

" I hope you feel better soon, kiddo. I have to get back to work, take care of yourself, though, okay?"

" Wait, Scott, hold on." Derek put a hand to Scott's arm, keeping him from turning away.

" What can I do for you?" Scott gave it his all to keep the venom from slipping to his tone, to keep all of this toxicity away from the girl that had nothing to do with any of this.

" Can we talk? Please."

" About what?"

" Scott," Derek sighed, like he had any right to be tired from a situation that he caused.

" Hey, Nina, you know the kids area, right? Can you go check for your favorite toy? We'll be here, don't worry." She nodded after looking at her father for permission. As soon as she left, everything that was careful and considerate about Scott was wiped away by his pure fury.

" Listen – "

" No, you listen, Derek. I never interfered in this thing between you and Stiles. I never took sides or played the third party in any of your many fights, because it wasn't my place. I respected you and Stiles too much, but now, I don't owe you that. In fact, I don't even owe you my time, but I do owe it to Stiles. So, let me say this once; Stiles didn't deserve this from you. He didn't deserve for you to betray his trust like that, to break his heart twice, once for you and once for her. He never did anything to bring this on, but he's the one left to deal with it, as always, and I'm sick and tired of watching him dealing with the consequences of **_your_** fucking choices. So, I don't know what you expected from this, or from me, I really don't."

Derek could count on one hand the times Scott looked this angry, was this unfiltered, and he hated that outraged, resigned look in his eyes, like he was almost giving up on him too.

" I know. You're right, I messed up."

" That's an understatement if I've ever heard one."

" I **_really_** messed up. I messed up big time." Scott continued to roll his eyes, un-amused and unimpressed, " But I – I thought he wanted an out, so I gave him one. And I didn’t want to pull him back in. I – I was terrified of even **_thinking_** of the possibility of having this with him, because we tried for so long and it wasn't working, and I figured, maybe this was only meant to work out this way, and maybe having him back would take her away from me."

" You're such a fucking idiot, Derek, my God." Scott pushed into Derek's shoulder and for a minute there, Derek thought that this was it, he was going to leave, but Scott sat on one of the chairs, with his elbows sinking into his bouncing knees, and his head bowed downwards. So Derek left an empty chair between them before sitting down. Then he decided this was too far, too impersonal, and moved to the chair right next to Scott.

" I really am sorry." Derek didn't know if it was the right thing to say or not, if there was even anything that would be right to say, but Scott sighed, his muscles slowly unclenching, and Derek took it as a good sign.

" He had his first panic attack in **_two years_** that night, Derek. He was doing so well, we almost forgot about all of this and then – that damn call brought everything back."

" I didn't – "

" I know you didn't. You never do. You never think of the consequences of your actions because you always think you're so.. insignificant. But – you were this.. otherworldly thing to him. He had such blind belief in you, and he poured everything into you, into this thing you had together. And when he lost that, he kind of lost all belief, in everything, in himself. He was coming here because a little girl called him, scared and alone. And then he knew that you were her father. And then came that whole revelation and it was a lot for him. To be honest, I don't know how he's still doing it. But he's always been the strongest person I've ever known. We can't keep pushing him though. We can't keep testing it, because one of those days, he's going to break and it'll be final. There will be nothing left of him to put together, and I'll be damned if I let you be that final straw for him."

" Just, tell me how to fix it. Please." Scott stared at Derek, fascinated by how stupidly desperate he was to ask Scott for pretty much anything.

" What did you tell Nina about it?"

" That I'm her only parent?"

" Jesus Christ, Derek," Scott had to stand, had to move away before he punched a hole through Derek's thick skull.

" I know, I know! I'm sorry, okay? I'll keep saying it until you believe it, I'm **_sorry_**." He went to stand, to follow Scott's motion, but a jolt coursed through his left side, making him feel like he was being electrocuted from the inside out. He stumbled, fell back into his chair, sweaty and breathless.

" Shit, Derek, okay, slow down. Are you okay?"

" I – I'm fine, I think I just – I moved too fast or something. I'm okay." Derek was wide-eyed, horrified, hating how close he felt to death every time he tried to breathe.

" Okay, just stop talking and try to breathe. Calm down." Derek wanted to argue, to push Scott's arms away – mostly because he felt like he didn't deserve them – and tell him that he was fine, that he didn't need all the fussing and the cautiousness. But he didn't think he could. Also, he kind of wanted Scott to go a little easy on him.

It only took him a few minutes to not feel like he was imploding, like his heart was about to break through his ribcage and tear through his flesh, leaving him with a gaping hole that he would never be able to hide or fill again. Kind of like the hole that Stiles left behind, but no one needed to know that.  

" Do you think if this happens in front of Stiles, he'll just forget everything and not hate me? Because I don't mind a second heart attack if it'll make this go away." Scott snorted, playfully punching Derek's arm, before he sat himself down, forgetting all about the distance he needed before.

" You fucking scared me. Okay, so, what do you want to do exactly? Do you want Nina to know about Stiles? Do you want to tell her the full truth or just reintroduce Stiles into her life? Because we can't go anywhere near Stiles if you can't figure this out for yourself."

" I don't.. I don't think I can tell her that she had a second parent all along and I was just lying for the past 3 years of her life."

" But when she's older, it's going to come out eventually. And then you'd be lying for 18 years and not 3. Don't you think it's only going to make things worse on the long run?"

Derek's eyes immediately started searching for Nina, wanting to picture a world where she'd be an angry, bitter, teen that hated him and had no problem spewing it in his face every time something remotely bugged her. And he hated every version of reality that didn't have him and her – and Stiles – old and grey and **_happy_**. For once. He just wanted to make people around him happy.

" You're probably right. But 3 is too young. So maybe somewhere in the middle. 10 or 12 or something. Just – not yet." Scott nodded, like he understood. Scott had the capacity to understand almost anything.

" Hey, Derek, I don't know if I can ask you this, but what brought this heart attack on? I mean, you were always careful when it came to your health and physique, I don't think I've ever seen anyone who had less fun with his food, so how did this happen?" Things were almost instantly dimmer about Derek, and Scott wondered if he should just take it all back.

" I, uh, I got a call, that Nina's birth father was asking around for her. And, they were going to look back into her file, and – basically look for any loopholes that the father could use to take her back. And. There was this whole Stiles thing, and. I just – I panicked. This was less than an hour before I started feeling off and. Yeah, then I just remember waking up in the hospital, really."

Scott was quiet for a bit too long for Derek's comfort. Derek thought he was analyzing the information he was given, absorbing it, trying to find some empathy to feel towards him, or just, regret or something. What he didn't expect was the furrow between his eyebrows, the clenching of his hands into fists, so prepared to break through stuff.

" Is this why you want to fix things with Stiles now? Because you don't want him to tell on you and ruin your perfect little plan? Is that it, Derek?"

" What? No. No, Scott! This is – "

" Stop fucking lying to me. Just be honest for once in your goddamn life and admit it. You – this isn't about Stiles or even Nina. This is all you. Everything is about you, I – "

" Okay, you know what, you want me to apologize for putting my baby first? For doing everything I can do to keep her safe and with me? Because that's never going to happen. I would do anything for that girl, go to whichever lengths I need to."

" Even if it means stepping on the one person that's ever fucking believed in you? That was always fucking there for you? That wanted nothing more, than to just be with you?"

" Even if it means that, Scott. She is my number 1 priority. Nothing would ever win over her. Even Stiles. However, I really do want to fix things with Stiles, because he didn't deserve this from me, and – "

" Save it, Derek. I don't want to hear another word out of your fucking mouth. Let's see how you're going to get anywhere near Stiles. You don't deserve him, man. You don't deserve this kind of love. And he definitely doesn't deserve to be treated like this. So have a nice life, and he will too. I can promise you that."

" Scott – " Derek suddenly felt out of control, like things around him were spiraling again, spinning so far away from their axis.

" No, no. I said I don't want to hear it. And by the way, if anyone asks me or Stiles about those papers, we will tell them the truth. I'm not getting in legal trouble for your sorry ass. Fucking asshole." Scott shook his head, walking away, leaving Derek's world in flames.

One week later, Stiles was making dinner, when he heard a knock on his door. He expected Scott, or his neighbor coming over to give his sister space with her girlfriend again. What he didn't expect was to find Cora, almost hiding behind an expectant Nina, that had a smile so beautiful, Stiles fell in love all over again.

" Cora said I should thank you for helping my dad. So, thank you, Stiles. Also, for taking care of me in the hospital." She handed him a bouquet of his favorite chocolates – which couldn't have been her choice – before she ran past him, letting herself into his home, that should have been hers but wasn't.

" This is a low blow, even for you. But, come in." Stiles stepped aside, allowing Cora to follow her niece's steps into the house, a hopeful grin taking over her features.

" How did you even find my house?"

" You'd be surprised what nurses are willing to give up when faced with this little girl."

" Why am I not surprised that you're using this poor kid to manipulate people?"

" Hey, come on now, it's not like that. God knows she does all the manipulation herself. You should see her with her dad, she has him wrapped around the smallest finger on her pretty little hand." Stiles chocked on a sound of acknowledgment, of agreement.

" Stiles,"

" How is he anyway?" Cora gave him a slight regretful smile, but she was grateful for the attempt at changing the subject so she went with it.

" He's doing a lot better. The doctors say he's in the clear for the most part, as long as he eats well and takes his meds."

" Good. That's good."

" You would know this for yourself if you answer any of his multiple calls."

" I wouldn't push my luck if I were you." Stiles snorted, putting a mostly nonthreatening finger in the air, to which Cora raised her hands in mock surrender.

" Fair enough. But, in case you didn't already know that, I'm **_really_** sorry. And so is he."

" Well, when a k-i-d is involved, I'm afraid an apology doesn't quite cut it." Stiles said, spelling out the words when Nina moved across the living room to the guest room.

" You're right, but he can't really do more if you won't even answer his calls." Stiles stared at Cora, annoyed and threatening and appalled.

" You know what, let's not talk about him. Let's talk about us. I don't want you to be mad at me."

" Mad? You think I'm mad at you? Trust me, I'm feeling a lot of things and mad is nowhere near any of them."

" Okay so talk to me. Let me fix this." Cora inched closer when Stiles finally collapsed into the couch she was sitting on. She crossed her feet, her knee almost poking into Stiles' side.

" I don't know if you can, Cora."

" But you haven't **_tried_**."

" I have. Trust me, I have **_been_** trying since that day at the hospital. But it's just not working. I can't – I can't think about you or him or – or Nina, without feeling like my heart is going to burst with so many things and none of them good. And it's not fair. What you did wasn't fair. What you now expect from me isn't fair. Bringing her here knowing that I can never be what I should be to her isn't fair. None of this is fair, Cora, and you can't expect me to be okay with it any time soon, or at all even. Because I don't know how to be okay with being lied to for 3 years, and being deprived from something that I – I wanted so much for so fucking long."

Stiles was tempted to pull away, detach himself from Cora, leave a distance between them that she would never be able to close. But before he could, Cora sighed, resting her hands on his knees, as if sensing the itch to leave.  

" I know. We deserve all of this, and more. I get it. And if you need us to leave, we will. But, we don't want to. He never wanted to leave in the first place and – I don't want to lose you again. And I think Nina deserves better than this. I always have."

" What about what I deserve? Huh? Did I deserve for this to happen? Did I –"

" Stiles. I can't keep doing this with you. If apologizing for the rest of my life would make it up to you, then I'll do it. I'll never stop doing it. But it won't, because we can't change what happened and we can't take it back and we certainly can't reverse what it brought upon you. But we can try, and we are. And we will keep trying, well beyond you wanting us to."

" You seriously need to stop talking about the pair of you like you're some sort of unit, because he's a whole different story, and if it's a package deal then I don't know if I can – "

" Me, then. Forgive me. **_Believe_** me. But you know he's always going to feel the same way."

Stiles rolled his eyes, pretended not to feel the things that he was feeling, as he bumped his shoulder against Cora, and watched on as she squealed in utter relief. And things started feeling.. easy, again. Familiar in a way that things no longer felt for Stiles. Comforting and young and reassuring, as they both started sharing all they could remember of the years spent away from one another.

Nina ended up falling asleep somewhere between Cora's graduation and her arrest for assaulting one of Derek's exes – in her defense, the girl did sound like an entitled asshole, but that could have also been Stiles' bias talking. Cora then decided to call it a night, carrying Nina, and hugging Stiles with a promise to come back again soon. Stiles willed himself to believe it and not dwell on the goodbye like it was permanent.

That.. fear only really went away when she showed up again two days later with chinese food and ice-cream. And three days after that when she brought him lunch to work. And a week after that when she called him to join Nina for a play-date. All of those times didn't include Derek whatsoever. In fact, he wasn't even mentioned at all. Another thing that Stiles couldn't figure out how he felt about.

Almost a month later, Stiles let himself into Scott's home, taking off his jacket and shoes and diving into stories of his long and brutal day.

" You wouldn't believe the day I've had. There was this huge accident, the roads are still closed because there were multiple vehicles involved. Apparently, a drunk driver lost control and got his car right in the middle of a two-way street, so cars crashed into him left and right. The phones wouldn't stop ringing, it was absolute chaos, and – You have got to be kidding me." Stiles' rambling was cut short by Derek and Scott, sitting in the middle of the living room, drinking coffee like they were old buddies. The sense of betrayal was instantaneous and blinding.

" Stiles, hold on, let me explain."

" Explain what? What the fuck is this, Scott? I thought you couldn't stand the guy. I can barely mention his name in a sentence before you start acting like a madman, with all the reasons why I should never even think about him. I just – I don't get it." Stiles turned back to grab his jacket, so willing to make a run for it and just not be there anymore.

" Stop it, calm down, and let's talk this through. You can't just leave like that."

" Maybe I should leave you two to it,"

" No one is going anywhere. Sit your ass down, Derek. And you, come here and stop acting stupid. There is no great betrayal happening, this wasn't all a conspiracy against you. It's not that big of a deal. Let me explain, come on, please." Scott had Stiles by the arm, tugging slightly, until he sat him down on the furthest away corner from Derek, sitting between them as some kind of shield.

" Okay, so, Derek just came here for a chat. Like he does almost every time Cora brings Nina to you."

" What?" Stiles' control was slipping away from him and he was this close to stomping his feet to the ground and acting like a complete child. But he didn't. Not yet at least.

" You're trying to fix things with Cora, and you don't see me acting like you're nonredeemable for it."

" That's different. Cora didn't directly break your heart and lie to you for years about a child having your fucking name. How can you possibly – "

" Okay, you're right. That was a low-blow. The comparison isn't fair. I'm sorry, I get it." Scott retracted his response before anything angry or bitter could build up inside of Stiles towards him. Stiles doubted that could ever really happen, not with Scott. He nodded anyway, avoiding looking anywhere near either of them.

" I saw Derek in the hospital, when he was still recovering from his heart attack. We fought and I left him there thinking I would never look back. Then, I ran into him in that café where we take our lunch breaks sometimes, and we fought that time too. But I realized I was this angry because I was still disappointed in him, and, hurt by what he did. To you and – to all of us. And I couldn't stop caring about what he did, or, about him. And maybe I'm a horrible friend for it, but the next time he came over, I didn't kick him out. I didn't yell or scream or whatever. And – I heard him out for once. And then I was less angry, and more.. nostalgic. He was my friend before all of this happened, and I missed having him in my life. But I shouldn't have kept it from you and maybe I shouldn't have given him any more chances, but – "

" It's okay. And you're not a horrible friend. You can't be even if you tried." Stiles breathed out, bumped his shoulder into Scott's, waited for the comforted smile that Scott surely gave, and that was that.

" So, I'll make you something to drink, and you just.. stay here." With a pat to each of their shoulders, Scott found his way to the kitchen, leaving Derek and Stiles with too much distance between them for them to ever be able to cover. And Stiles didn't know why he was staying and Derek didn't know why he couldn't say anything when he had years worth of words to tell to him and neither of them knew what to do with themselves or with the other.

" So, that drunk driver. Were there a lot of causalities?"

" Uh, they don't have an exact number yet. But we got about 6 calls from 6 different people, either involved in the crash or witnesses of it. So, I guess they'll be there all night."

" Something is always happening in New York." Derek tried to laugh but it came out awkward and off-putting. He squeezed his eyes shut, shook his head in embarrassment. Stiles tried to hide his amused smile.  

" Yeah, guess so."

" So.. Nina talks about you a lot. It kind of makes me jealous, if I'm honest."

" Jealous? Of me? You're her – dad, the girl could never love anyone more."

And Derek was reminded, that Stiles should have been – could have been – her dad as well. Stiles was too. And all his previous playfulness molded into something bitter and accusing.

" I really am sorry, Stiles."

" Yeah, well. Too little, too late, buddy."

" I know that. I know. But, I don't know what else to say, or do to make this better."

" You can't, Derek. You – you can't give me back the years you took from us. You can't turn back time and – not fucking lie to me, not break my heart and act like it was somehow **_my_** fault that we fell out of love. **_We_** did that. Not just me. But you put it on me and you – you gave yourself rights that would never be yours. And now, I'm the one dealing with the consequences of your fucking choices. So, no. You can't make this better, and I can't **_help_** you."

" I know all of that, Stiles, but I can't just leave things between us like that."

" Why not? Huh? You've done it before. What's the difference now?"

" The difference is that I'm a father. We're not the same people anymore, Stiles. And we will not make the same mistakes."

" **_We_**? Who the fuck is we? You can't just suddenly decide to include me on your own terms. There's no we, Derek."

With every word spat out of their mouths, there were steps taken, towards something or away from it, they couldn't tell. There were hands, shoving bodies away, putting distance that was already there. And every time Derek tried to ground Stiles, break through all the walls he had around himself, he received a push that sent him right back to the start.

" I'm saying all the wrong things, fuck. Just stop pushing and hear me out. I'm sorry, Stiles. I fucked up. I freaked out and I was selfish and rash and stupid. I know that. Anything you can possibly say to me, I've already said to myself, okay?" Derek didn't wait for a response. He was afraid it would be the wrong one and he would lose Stiles forever.

" But she shouldn't pay for my mistakes. She – she had nothing to do with any of this. Not the break-up, not the lies, none of it. So if you can't find it in your heart to forgive me, I get it. But I know you're not that unkind to take it out on her. If you want me to leave, I will. You will never have to see me again, not even by chance. But, if you want me to stay and introduce you to her properly and try to make a family out of us, I'll do that too. Just – tell me what I need to do. What do you want me to do?"

Derek had both of Stiles' hands between his, his heart beating so viciously, so angrily, he thought Stiles would be able to feel it, beating against his own chest instead. Stiles could no longer escape Derek's eyes, and one look into them, brought it all back. They were still as beautiful and as shut-down and as kind as they always had been. Maybe they were a little older now, their shade differed by the lighting in Scott's living room, but they were still everything Stiles had known them to be. And just like that, he was feeling everything all at once.

" I –" Derek nodded, patient and open, and Stiles really just wanted to cry.

" I want – "

" Yeah? What do you want, Stiles?"

" I want her to be happy, and to not feel like anything is missing from her life." Derek released a relieved sigh, feeling that finally, they were getting somewhere.

" What else do you want?"

" I want to not be angry all the time. I – I want to be able to move past this and I hate that I can't. Which makes me angry at myself and it's all just a cycle that I need to break."

" Okay, what else, Stiles?"

" And I want – I want you. To stay. And tell me all the reasons why I should let all of this go and – tell me all the ways we can fix this and just – be patient with me until I can forgive this and – "

" I will, I will. I swear, I will never leave unless you ask me to. I promise." Derek whispered, giving Stiles a final tug before they were crashing into each other, their motion effortless, familiar, as they morphed into something that would work, for once.

Scott finally came out of the kitchen after the yelling had died down – with no drinks in hand – falling onto the couch beside their almost cuddled up figures, like all the fighting had drained him up too. And they talked and talked until Cora came by with Nina, who crawled into Stiles' lap and fell asleep, almost bringing him to frustrated, heartbroken tears again.

It took them six months of dating before Stiles was moving in. And two years of that for Nina to start calling him dad too – and three months for him to stop crying every time she did. And by Nina's eighth birthday, they'd started seeping more and more truth into their stories of the past, she'd almost had the full story of how they started and how much love was actually poured into bringing her to their home. Minus the whole fraud in legal papers thing, but that was okay. She didn't need to know that anyway. And they almost forgot all about it. It wasn't even that hard to do. She made it all so very easy for them.  

**Author's Note:**

> The gifs used are not my own so credit to their owners. 
> 
> Also, please let me know what you think!


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